Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Not Theresa Heinz Kerry necessarily...just Theresa(s) in general

If there’s one name in this world that I can’t stand it’s “Theresa.”

In fact, just typing it out has raised blisters on my fingertips. (SHIT!)

It’s a name that I will forever associate with a yammering twat I knew growing up in the States. Nothing was ever good enough for T, she always knew better, her hair style was always kickier than everyone else’s, her breath was always fresher-- not like Stephanie who oh-my-god came to school yesterday after eating pizza the night before and only brushed her teeth but didn’t floss or rinse out with mouthwash or anything, etc.

Theresa was the most boring person I have ever met-- and she would never ever EVER in a million years, shut the fuck up.

So, needless to say, this morning on the train to Belfast, a Theresa sat down next to me.

In my opinion, if it’s before noon you haven’t yet done enough with your day to have actually earned the right to speak in public. But if you are Theresa you’re just simply dying to tell your bestest train buddy (this morning, it just so happened to be moi) about how you’re just so tired this morning because you just couldn’t sleep at all. Not one wink!

Really? Not at all? I thought. Yet you have far more energy than everyone else on this train combined? What must you be like on a good day?

In an act of self-preservation I did, at one point, make a grand gesture of putting my earbuds in and turning on my iPod in an attempt to clue her in that I was about to tune her out but, as these things are with the Theresa’s of the world, it just made her talk louder.

Little drab, plain, unassuming Theresa, working away (I assume) at her bank job or PA position (meh, not good looking enough for a PA. We’ll stick to cashier at the bank) and happy to do so because of course she is fantastic! JUST ASK HER! with not a clue in the world that she is simply trudging her loud mouthed way obliviously into obscurity like the rest of us...

The rest of us who have the good goddamn common sense to keep our yaps shut at eight in the morning on a crowded train.


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