Friday, December 30, 2005

Oh dear... here we go again.

Hey kids.

I just knew that Brokeback Mountain was going to cause a stir with the weirdo right-wingers back in the States but this quote is totally awesome and here it is..."twisted, laughable, frustrating and boring neo-Marxist homosexual propaganda." This quote is from the Christian Film & Television Commission.

Now, I don't really know who these guys are (but, boy! Do they have an AWESOME website!) but apparently they are trying their darn-diddly-arndest to NOT publicize the film because they have learned from past experience that when they condemn a movie more people are likely to go and see it. And given that approximately 3 people read my blog, I figure that that is 3 more people to enlighten. I'm not against religion but I AM against assholes in general.

Personally, I have nothing against gays. Some of my family are gay. I have a cousin dying of AIDS. I have several good friends who are a bit lavender (in fact, I'm going to a gay bar in the next couple of weeks for my wife's friend's Goodbye Party). My brother married a lesbian. I slept with a lesbian in college. You don't decide who you love but society somehow figures they have the right to tell you whether that love is "right" or not. Fuck society. (By the way, what the hell is "neo-Marxist homosexual propaganda"? Are neo-Marxists into this sort of thing? Since when?)

I'm going to go see this for several reasons which include:

1. E. Annie Proulx is a fantastic writer and The Shipping News is one of my favorite books.

2. Westerns are cool.

3. Most westerns are about 10,000% gay anyway... Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So there.

And as a side note, I've decided NOT to see the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe for the very fact that Walden Media produced this. I'm too lazy to look up which Walden this is but I know he's a "Christian" who is a billionaire-- just the kind the Bible loves (it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to Heaven...etc...).

Anyhoo, rant over.

Have a great New Year everyone! (And if you feel like it, let me know your thoughts on this. For some reason this has really got my bile up. Maybe it's the stress of my birthday coming up...dunno.)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Dublin Ahoy!!!

Well, I've been ditching work again (mandated by the powers that be-- i.e. the scary office manager that gets migraines if you don't take ALL of your paid holidays by the end of the year) and so decided to take a little meader down south to Dublin to see the Foo Fighters in action (Yes, they were awesome. Thanks for asking.) Tho' I didn't take any pics of the actual concert I did manage to snap a few shots of Dublin while we were there.

This is a scary stuffed badger that lurked over me while I drank a pre-concert Guinness Vat 39 or something. It's the Dublin version of "seasonal" brews that are fairly popular in the States. Apparently this was the first time they've offered it to the pubic, so by default, I'm one of the first humans to drink it. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it! (MMMM... delicious!)

This is Christ Church. At first, my wife didn't think that it was but she was POSITIVE it wasn't the alternative that I offered--which was Satan's Church.

Here we are drinking our respective alcoholic drinkee-poohs. Despite the fact that my glass says Amstel it was pure Guinness of the finest Dublin variety. The goatee was in honor of Dave Grohl. I think I look quite fetching in a balding-goatee-sporting type of way. Apparently it was quite terrifying to the 12 year old brats surrounding me at the concert. They were no match for my glower-power. BACK OFF BITCH!

What's a vacation without the purchase of a samuria sword? NOT a vacation, that's what. I believe this offer was for five swords for only 99 Euro (about $120 bucks, roughly). And they think Americans are weird because we can buy guns and ammo at Wal-Mart. Oh, the irony! (Well, maybe "irony" is too stronge of a word...but still.)

This is a building outside of Dublin Castle. I sleep better at night knowing that there's a place for me when I become sick and indecent... which may not be so far away.

And here's Dublin Castle which I'm sure is rich in history. I know absolutely nothing about it except that it is in Dublin and not far from Burger King.

And finally, a picture that my wife labeled "Butt Window." I think that says it all.

Merry Christmas! See ya, wouldn't want to be ya!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Christmas and Letter to America

11:00 a.m. Saturday, December 17, 2005

This is how my Saturday started out--with a kind, welcoming gesture from Jett Loe as we sat down early Saturday morning to plot out our day--specifically what we were going to record for Letter to America Chapter 14. I say "we" but I really mean "he". Jett IS Letter to America. I was invited along for the day, as far as I could tell, to carry his coffee.
Speaking of coffee-- Jett guzzles the black stuff like a true champion. I'm not an expert on addictive personalities but just look at the guy. This was him before cup number one. Notice the aggitation and the baggage under the eyes. This is not what I would call a "Happy Camper".

(When I saw this plaque on the ground in front of City Hall I couldn't tell if this was a warning of some kind or a familiar, "Hey there, Good Buddy! We can see ya!" type message. Best not to think about it.)
Finally, after a good four or five lattes, Jett and I managed to hammer out an agenda for the day. Jett wanted to try a different format for the show--a day in the life--as it were. Well, when there's a day in the life needing to be lived then Wayne Ordinary American is your man! It just so happened that I had a blouse that needed to be returned to some crap teeny-bopper insane asylum, or Mango. But first we took a walk to Belfast City Hall and the International food fest! YUMMERS!

So this is Belfast City Hall. (But more importantly, this is an example of how craptacular the layout laying out abilities of Blogger truly are.)

(Hmmm. For some reason I'm now able to type on this side of the photo whereas thirty seconds ago I could only type above it. I have NO idea how this is going to look when I publish it. This is fun!)
If you look closely you can see the white tents where we found an array of International Flavours Extradinaire. Including, but not limited to: Boar Balls, baguettes, ostrich, kangaroo, crocodile and venison burgers (they loves thems burgers thems Irish!), toffee, fudge and countless other treats I can no longer recall or care to because Jett bought me 3 beers and a double shot of whiskey and the world transformed into a much happier place. Thanks buddy!
Tomorrow (Or Whenever): The Saga of the Returned Blouse!

Sunday, December 11, 2005


Just when you're on the tail of a really bad week and you're hoping things will get better something like this inevitably happens. (OK. So, the world doesn't revolve around me--but it should.)

Monday, December 05, 2005

The days just fly by

I don't know about you, but I was absolutely SHOCKED to discover this morning that it was not only no longer November but somehow it managed to be the FIFTH of December. Granted I have had a couple of days off and I don't pay attention to the date on the best of occasions. (I told you people, you get in serious trouble over here if you don't take your law-given 20 days paid vacation. True story: I actually got in an argument with the office manager last week when I told her I didn't really care if I took my last 9 nine days for this year or not. The look of disgust she gave me... *SHUDDER*. A grown man shouldn't have to live like this.)

Anyway, so it's the FIFTH of December and I realized that I hadn't washed the car in something like four months. So today, I sauntered casually out the door to have a little look-see on the state of Gopher our Fiat Punto. Now, I don't know about you, but in Colorado when you neglect your car washing duties, at worst you'll find a car coated in concrete-like dust particles. When your car reaches this state you're best driving it into a lake and letting it soak for a day or two to loosen up the muck and crud and then scrubbing it down with steel wool. Not here, baby. I was horrified to find that Gopher had actually grown MOSS. Yep, it was everywhere. Door handles, gaps around the blinkers and headlight. I was thouroughly ashamed.

So that's what I did for my day off. Washed the car and did some laundry. And now I'm gonna try to figure out my wireless router and maybe take a nap. The excitement is electric, I tells ya!

(In an effort to not publish Google Image only photos, here's one I took on Saturday on the way to the George Best Funeral with Jett. People sometimes ask, "What does Belfast offer that would make me want to visit?" Well, if public, electric piss holes don't do it for ya than I don't know what will. The UK is notorious for it's lack of public toilets. This is what I call progress.)

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life...

Well, I'm still recovering from the somber soul wringing experience that was George Best's funeral yesterday morning. The day was dark and colorless. Misty and forelorn. Wet and Fucking Cold.

In case you missed it, check out LTA for Jett's (and my) adventures throughout the fair city (Belfast) that we call home for the time being. Though you wouldn't know it from the final cut of the podcast, Jett and I actually spent the better part of 4 hours walking through Belfast, smelling the smells, sighing the sighs, and weeping the weeps... all to bring his Dear Listeners a taste of what it's like when one of the 'Great Ones' kicks it through the big goal posts in the sky and heads to the locker room WITHOUT a red card. I can tell you it was a day I will not soon forget-- mainly because I was sober.

To bring the point home with a sledgehammer that I myself am not immortal, I sat behind THIS guy on the train ride home. My hairline ain't much better. It was a meloncholy journey to say the least.

Friday, December 02, 2005

I'm desperate...

OK. I don't like to use this blog as a forum for tech issues but I'm pulling my hair out today.

Quick and to the point:
I have a Nintendo DS.
I have a Thomson Speedtouch 576 wireless router.

Any advice/help would be appreciated.

Thankin' you.


Thursday, December 01, 2005

I'm still here...

Hey folks, just so ya know I'm still amongst the living here in Belfast.

I think I may have mentioned earlier (I mentioned it to someone, anyway. Probably not you.) that I've been suffering from a HUGE media/holiday overload the last couple of weeks and therefore my blogging hasn't been up to it's normal hilarious standards. (If I even SMELL anything remotely Christmasy I'm going to start taking names and kicking ass.)

In the meantime you can stare adoringly at the turkey my brother-in-law cooked up for me in an effort to give me a "Traditional Thanksgiving". I don't know about the rest of you, but my traditional turkey day usually includes dry meat, family gossip, tears and accusing, angry fingers flying recklessly over Who-Drank-the-Last-of-the-Jack Daniels, Goddammit!

This year was nothing like that. Everyone got along, the turkey was as moist as the concrete mixing bucket we soaked it in to finish thawing it out (see for yourself) and there were even two labradors in attendance that I could go play with when the conversation inevitably turned to how cute the cousin/nephew/grandchild was when he rubbed gravy into the electrical socket.

So that was nice.