Sunday, January 29, 2006

It's Good (Sort of) to be Back!

Despite my best efforts, I lost the First Ever International Internet Stare-Down with the Playaz.

Those of you who have listened to the Letter to America podcast (find it here under Chapter 20) will know that Jett and I recorded the show something like 5 hours before the contest was supposed to begin but he edited it in such a way as to blow your simple minds.

"Whoa!" you said. How'd they do that? It's like they're all there in the same room and stuff! And how'd they travel to the future and then back again without knowing who won?" Well, believe me when I say this--I'm too lazy to explain it to you.

Anyway, both Jett and I assumed that I would WIN the contest so I decided to take a victory climb up the crane outside Jett's apartment.

I found the January air exhilarating. Climbing in my pajamas gives me freedom and a "breathe-ability" not found in lycra.

Oh, how shall I explain the wonders of this Belfast view from the top!?! It's just too beautiful! (But there is an awful lot of gum on your street, Jett!)

Of course, all of this took place before I knew that I had actually LOST. Always the thinker, Jett decided he'd better go forward into the future again and find out who won before I tried something really stupid.

Too late!

I slipped on 3-in-one motor oil and some loose ball bearings that were carelessly left on top of the crane! I was doomed!

(Author's Note: From this point on all characters involved will be represented by cuddly toys. It protects the identity of the innocent and gives a warm, cuddly feel to potentially tragic events. Did I mention that they're cuddly? Cuz they are!)

(Continue on...IF YOU DARE!)

(Meanwhile, in an Intergalactic Time Loop, Phil was staring into the future--his minions at his side cheering him on and refreshing his drink which he claimed "re-hydrated the tear ducts". Whatever. Phil had nothing to do with my AMAZING rescue. He just sat around and watched.

Finally, through a long and tedious turn of events my life was miraculously saved and I celebrated the precious gift of life with an old friend.

Whew! That was some adventure! I think I've learned several important lessons that I would like to share with you:

1. Don't mess with The Playaz.

2. Never climb buildings in your pajamas.

3. Don't post a blog that requires Photoshop unless you're POSITIVE your wife will finish the job for you and you don't have to resort to snapping quick pics of stuffed animals to come up with a lame ass conclusion.

Oh, I almost forgot. Phil has graciously allowed me to use my real name of 'Wayne' again. In return, I will pay The Playaz royalties every time my name is spoken, written or shouted in fits of passion.

That is all.


Anonymous Jefferson Davis said...

Great post Frank, a.k.a. "Wayne". Oh, I loved the show...

3:14 am  
Blogger Phil said...

"Dont mess with The Playaz"

Truer words never spoken, Wayne (cha-ching!). You will receive my invoice in the mail.

2:19 pm  
Blogger WOA said...

Actually, some truer words might be, " looks like shit when you add more than one photo to the layout."(This post looks like a retarded emu shat it out onto the screen.)

Other than that, I can't say I'm thrilled to see your invoice, Phil. But you won fair and square.

2:48 pm  
Blogger Bon said...

Wayne, Wayne, Wayne. That will be 3 dollars please.

1:27 am  
Blogger WOA said...

So it counts when one of the Playaz says my name? Bummer.

9:46 am  

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