Thursday, February 09, 2006

Liar. Liar.

I feel like I should explain about the photo I posted earlier this week which was this:



I lied.

It is not actually a photo of my long lost brother (Lord knows what I was thinking that day. I think I was thinking about being clever or some such nonesense--a whole wouldn't-it-be-fun-if-I-had-an-evil-twin-brother saga.).

No, this handsome rogue is actually me—circa 1992—back in my college newspaper editing days. Some smart ass (I’m not sure who, but I have my suspicions) must have done a Google on my name and found this pic on my old college website. I was not aware that this photo was still in existence, let alone published for the entire world to see. Damn internet.

Moments before this flattering pose was snapped the new exchange student cum staff photographer had just spilled Wild Turkey all over the advice column my then ex-girlfriend was laying out. (If I remember correctly the headline was, “Looking for Sympathy? Look in the dictionary between ‘Shit’ and ‘Syphilis” or something similar.)

“Straumanis!” I shouted. “I don’t know how you people do things in Latvia but here at the Central College Ray when we spill somebody's drink we refill the editor’s tumbler! And that, dear boy, would be mine. Hop to it!”

Obviously he didn’t understand proper Iowa etiquette because he attempted to fill my glass with Schnapps.

Puh-leez!” I protested. “Do I look like I play on the girl’s volleyball team? I’m an editor for chrissake!”

The frightened Straumanis babbled,“I hab madgeek peek-churr box! Some smile for me, heh-yesss?”

“Hummm... No. Now get the hell outta my face!”

What followed after that isn’t important; suffice it to say that it ended in tears, a black eye and me reluctantly agreeing to have my photo taken with the “madgeek peek-churr box.” (Apparently, Latvians are trained in kickboxing from their second birthday. That's a tip kids. Write it down.) But as you can see, I was not happy about it.

So Straumanis, if you sent this to me all I can say is “Ha. Ha. Boy, you sure burned me bad, you ginormous A-hole.”

(If it’s not you, how the hell are ya, anyway?)

1 Comments:

Blogger Jefferson Davis said...

whoa!!!

7:35 pm  

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