Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Style--The WOA Way

Wayne Ordinary American, would like to bid you a hearty welcome to our fashion digest: “A Gentleman’s Guide to Spiffiness”.

Contained within this celestial treasure trove of style and flair are tips, advice and factual nuggets aimed at making the modern discerning gentleman a beacon of hope throughout the land. An inspiration as it were, to those whose sense of style seems to be mandated by the sniffing of glue and bathing in pig ruts.


Certainly bolstering one’s social standing is the aim of the modern class of sophisticate! It is with this in mind that we have created this essential guide allowing one to sidestep embarrassing fashion dilemmas as one would avoid carelessly discarded gum on the pavement.

We understand that the truly modern gentleman should be fully equipped to handle the delicate business of mixing and matching patterns and solid colours between shirts, suits, ties and accessories. This simple fashion act should be as natural to his character as the scent of sweet vermouth and the smokey smoothness of Dunhills. If you feel at all uncomfortable or discombobulated by this our guide will certainly steer you in the right direction. We are (as always) at your service!

Man, through fashion, has the ability to conjure a differing feel and style, a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’, quite unique from the lady gender of our species. It is the magic that creates society as we know it! And one must never dabble in that which we do not understand.

Fear not! Wayne will aid Sir unerringly!

(And by "aid", we mean of course "mock." And by "mock", good sir, we suggest that you are a "tosser.")

Tip the First: One should never wager that the more homogenous in shape or design a style is the more attention one will garner from the fair femmes. Alas, one slip--one minute faux pas and one's bed will continue to lack any hint of lavender or erotic lotion transfered to one's sheets through the sweat of passion. Instead you will grow forever more familiar with your own repugnant musk:

Such fashion abuse only confirms that you are unworthy of membership at the most indiscreet of gentleman’s club, and thus you shall remain clinging for life on the bottom most rung of society.

We hope that by now we have made our case clear.

The modern gentleman needs their own carefully crafted sense of individuality, they must be fully aware of the correct dress codes for their many social events and should have the ease and confidence to stand out from the masses, to stand up on their own and proclaim, through fashion, “I am a Gentleman! Refill my tumbler, poste haste!"

This, my friends, is what we do. Wayne’s Gentleman’s Guide to Spiffiness caters to these needs and with it, one simply cannot fail to impress!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Stumbled upon this blog. Perhaps I should stumble on.

7:28 pm  
Blogger WOA said...

Good Sir! If stumbling is your fashion than you should respite here! (Oh...never mind. Yeah, this is lame but then again, 'Oh well'.)

7:29 pm  
Blogger WOA said...

(I meant "then") (dammit!)

7:30 pm  

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