Sunday, March 19, 2006

Thank You W.O.W.!

Due to the overwhelming response to my new frangrance line, "W.O.W." ("Weird Old Woman") Perfume my wife and I decided to invest a small portion of the profits in a new house. Normally, we're quite conservative when it comes to spending cash because our reasoning is: you can't spend what you don't have. But with the money suddenly rolling in we felt we should put it somewhere safer than tucked into the sweat sock hidden inside the cookie jar.

Unlike most couples our age we have yet to invest in real estate for two reasons:

1. We are some of the most unsettled and unsettling people I know. We either freak out after living two whole consecutive years in one place and run to a new town/city/state/country or we're chased out because of my propensity to answer the door to missionaries whilst nude.

2. I've unwisely been investing in "reality estate" and the market has taken a very nasty downturn in the last couple of months.

Hopefully, our new home will allow us to feel like we finally belong in a community worthy of our humble stature:

I felt that our new house should be conservative yet large enough for us to "grow into". I have no desire to pull up stakes and move anytime soon and I think we've finally found the perfect place. (Special thanks to all five original members of Guns 'n' Roses for helping us move. I'm sure you'll get that chocolate mousse off the curtains of the tour bus. Sorry about that!)

These are the Rampaging Murderous Elfish Gardeners unique to the region and left by the previous owner.

The special protective garments ensure that they spend the winter months in relative comfort and safety. When they emerge in early spring (as they were today) it's kind of scary--especially the gasping for air and the swinging of hedge clippers. (I promised my wife we would get rid of them (the hedge clippers) as soon as the rhodedendrons are trimmed and the tulips are transplanted. (I'm keeping the gardeners.)

This hideous garden will be the first to be leveled to make way for the BBQ pit.

This is the view from the balcony of the master bedroom. The protective maze was originally constructed to trap and confuse trespassers and provide much needed sport for gentleman archers. I will be releasing the murderous gardeners in here shortly.

Stop by and say "Hi!"


Blogger Phil said...

I understand the maze is made up of marijuana plants.

5:48 pm  
Blogger WOA said...

Indeed it is, Phil. 10% has already been allocated to *ahem* outside business ventures--if you know what I mean...

8:00 pm  
Anonymous Sue said...

Can I have the tower room when I come visit? Will there be a spinning wheel included? I promise I'll spin us all some gold. No chance of me escaping either, because my hair is very short these days.

5:31 pm  
Blogger WOA said...

No problem, Sue. However, I recommend that you visit in the winter months--what with the murderous elves and everything...

7:05 pm  
Blogger WOA said...

No problem, Sue. However, I recommend that you visit in the winter months--what with the murderous elves and everything...

7:06 pm  

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