Monday, April 03, 2006

Getting better all the time

Authors Note: Those of you with sharp eyes will recognize my red and gray flannel shirt in this pic. This was taken from a very special video that Jett shot during our latest LTA recording. It's not exactly relevant to what I'm about to say...yet it's not exactly NOT relevant, if you follow. Hit the link at the bottom and you will see one of the saddest, most truly tragic moments ever caught on video. God bless YouTube.

At the risk of unwittingly disclosing any as-of-yet undiagnosed Manic-Depressive behavior (see yesterday's post--or better yet, don't) I gotta say that I'm feeling much better today. The sky is a richer shade of blue, my flowing locks seem more lustrous than ever before and there's a certain je ne c'est quoi to the odor emminating from the lunchroom fridge.

I hate suffering the moods like the one that blindsided me yesterday. I hate it even more when I get a feverish pulsing vein in my forehead and I say things to myself like:

"The world blows! I'm gonna write an incoprehensible rant on my blog! That'll learn 'em!"

Learn who, exactly? Well, nobody but myself, apparently.

Normally, I adhere to a strict rule of blatant lies, half truths and bullshit on my posts. I tend to shy away from anything that truly affects me because:

A: I'm a private person.

B: I don't really want/need/or care to have people thinking they know the real me (exceptions apply)

C: Deep down, I'm pretty superficial.

My other rule is that after I post something (usually late at night) and it reads like the drool splattered scribblings of a semi-literate maniac in the morning, I delete it and pretend that nothing happened. It's like the perfect one night stand. Only I know it happened.

Only today, I wasn't the only one who knew. When I checked my email this morning I realized in horror that two people had already commented on my dementia (Puppies? Karma? Rants about John Calvin and Martin Luther??? WTF???) .

Oh shit.

You could say that I rode the proverbial scooter. It was fun at the time but I didn't really think people would see me. But people did. And it was worse than being caught in bed with a fat chick at a frat party.

Which, come to think of it, that actually happened to me too.

Sort of.

First of all, she wasn't fat and, second, it wasn't a frat party--it was a themed "Beach Party". It was great in a "We're in Iowa in January" kind of way. We turned the heat up to 90 and filled the bathtub with sand. This was back in the day of the Coor's Party Ball and as soon as the first one was empty we hung up some string and started a lively, if somewhat deadly, game of volleyball.

Anyway, what happened was this: my bedroom at the time lead out onto a semi-balcony overlooking an Evergreen tree. The house rule was such that if the other two bathrooms were occupied the bladder in question was allowed to relieve itself on the roof but ONLY if they aimed at the Evergreen (I believe there was a reason for this but it escapes me at the moment. I think it had something to do with not peeing in the sink.). This rule was protested by me initially until I realized the benefit to myself. I would no longer have to make the arduous journey all 11 feet to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I could just climb out my window and wee while standing on loose shingles.

By the time the party got to the Excessive-Amount-of-Bladders-in-Dire-Straits stage I had suckered some poor girl up to my bedroom for a little Beach Blanket Bingo (if you get my drift. Of course you do.).

Well! Imagine her surprise when three of my housemates came strolling through my bedroom.

Here is an exact transcript of the moment:

HOUSEMATES: Hey Wayne. Hey (NAME DELETED).

ME: Hey guys.

NAME DELETED: Fuckers...

EVERYONE: HA! HA! HA!

(*SIGH* Those were the good old days.)

I have no idea where, if anywhere, I was going with this. It seems I'm out to prove that I have no recognizable signs of shame. So what the hell... let's just add some fuel to the fire.

Witness: WHITEY CAN'T DANCE!

(Oh, and stay in school.)

3 Comments:

Anonymous Sue said...

5 words for your video....

LMFAO!!!!

4:14 pm  
Blogger WOA said...

I'm glad you enjoyed it, Sue. I know I sure didn't...

6:33 am  
Anonymous Jama said...

Me too Wayne. Loved it, freakin hilarous!!!

2:21 am  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home