Sunday, April 30, 2006

There are some things you just don't want to know

Some of you may have noticed that I've become a grumpy old man lately.

I've criticized the U.S. tax system which is pretty embarrassing (ANYONE and EVERYONE has made fun of the I.R.S. That was completely lame of me and I do apologize...), I've claimed to have lost my sanity (Thanks Jama...I tried both the St. John's Wort and vodka. Both worked equally well in different capacities) and I've ignored pretty much everyone in my life.

But there is a reason: Our bed is killing us.

Imagine sleeping on a hammock made of chain-link fence. That is what our bed is like. I haven't slept through the night in about a year. I'm not joking. (I'm typing in short sentences because I keep falling asleep in this oh-so comfortable upright faux leather crappy desk chair...oh man, it's comfy!)

We've been saving up for a house or maybe a surprise trip back to the States to visit family, but since both of our jobs pay what I like to call "peanuts" none of these options are likely to happen this year. So we decided that if the two of us were actually sleeping through the night that maybe, just maybe we'd become successful and rich. To do that, we figured we'd better pony up and buy a new mattress.

(A fun fact for you: Did you know that the average person sweats out 1/3 of a pint of fluid each and every night? That means every 9 days each individual sleeping in the bed is leaking out 3 full pints of yummy sweat. If you're married that's 6 pints every 10 days or 18 pints a month! That's 216 pints a year! Is this making you sick yet? It should!)

Anyway, the new mattress has been ordered and should be here in a week or so. Personally, I can't wait. I really, truly, desperately need a good night's sleep.

(Also, Jett pointed out to me during the last recording of LTA that I don't pronounce the word "both" correctly. I say "Bolth" with an "L". I feel very self-conscious of this at the moment but I'm not gonna blame it on my hillbilly upbringing...I'm blaming it on not sleeping properly. But if I'm still saying it after May 10 (when our mattress is due to arrive) I'm gonna blame it on all that nasty sweat I've slept in over the years.)

(Seriously, does anybody else say 'Bolth' or is it just me? I honest to god never noticed that I said it that way until this weekend. I'm a bit freaked out.)
This is a shot from Newsomethingortheother Monestary (or Nendrum Monestary if you're into specifics...We drove out here today because the weather was a bit dreary and we didn't feel like going on a full-on hike. I gotta say, there's a lot to be discovered in Northern Ireland and it truly is one of the most beautiful places I have ever lived. I'm glad I'm here...Even if I'm crazy....)


Blogger Jefferson Davis said...

I tend to blame everything on my hillbilly upbringing. :-)

For example, down here in the southern US, we used to say, "Let me have a peck of them there apples in a poke please". That means let me have a dozen apples in a bag please.

Now we say, "Puedo comer las manzanas una docena en un bolso por favor". LOL

America is changing fast, when you do come back, I highly recommend learning some Spanish, especially if you come down south.

Good luck with the new matress Wayne.

5:46 pm  
Anonymous Jama said...

Out here in Kansas the townsfolk speak "Forwecan". That is, "Put on yer shoes, for-we-can go to Wal-Mart. Don't worry about it; it's not really "bolth", it's more like "bouth". But, yeah, I reckon it's from bein' from Coloradie. Where's that dern spitoon!

6:23 pm  
Blogger Phil said...

I was going to recommend you two spend a night in the Clinton Suite at the Europa, but it seems you have taken steps to cure your problem.

I wish now that my wife & I had purchased a 'king' size bed when we had the chance.

6:17 pm  
Blogger WOA said...

Thanks for your concern Phil. If the mattress doesn't show up soon, I may be sleeping in the 'Clinton Suite' albeit alone. Even as I type this, my wife is sleeping on the spare bed because, and I quote, "[I'm] too twitchy and bouncy."

Jama, I'm not sure it IS a Colorado thing to say 'Bolth'. It might just be a weird Alamosa/Wayne Family thing. I just don't know (I'm gonna call old friends this week and trick them into saying 'both' to see how it sounds...)

And Jefferson, just so you're prepared a 'poke' over here in leprachaun land, means an ice cream cone (seriously). So if you're wondering down the street and you hear a family saying, 'fancy a poke?' they're not asking for a bag or a nasty sexual act. (Just so you know)

9:33 pm  
Anonymous Sue said...

You know you're from Michigan when:

Both = Booth
About = A Boat
Out = oat
Yes = Ya
The two of you = yew guise

You get my point! "Dount" feel bad. We all have our quirky way of saying things.

New mattress is the best thing you could do for your marriage. Is it one of those sleep number beds?? If so, my guess would be Wayne a 92. Ruth a 37. Enjoy! Wish you WERE planning a trip back to the states. I miss yew guise!!

5:36 am  
Blogger The Rev said...

You visited my blog, so I am visiting yours.

I will add you to my list on my blog and catch up on your rantings in the next few days.

They say that people who sleep less are actually more successful. I sleep 9 hours a day, and I'm making something slightly above peanuts.

9:45 pm  
Blogger WOA said...

Thanks for visiting, Steve.

If your theory is true about sleep I will soon be a multi-millionaire-last night I only got a 20 minute nap.

(P.S. you look awfully young. Are you one of those genius babies?)

2:20 pm  
Blogger The Rev said...

I would be a genius baby, but I keep falling asleep during the test.

For the record, that picture was 1972. I was cute once. Then it went horribly wrong.

3:54 pm  
Blogger WOA said...

I know the feeling, Steve....I know the feeling...

6:50 pm  

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